Big Game Hunters
by thablackkuririn
Summary: Predators vs. Z Warriors...who was the idiot Predator that thought that was a good idea? A humorous fanfic showing the utter futility of crossing DBZ with anything else.


Disclaimer: Dragonball Z and The Predator are copyrighted and owned by people that are not me and, while they did not give me permission to use the material, I'm sure they won't mind as long as I don't make money from this story. At least I hope so...  
  
Big Game Hunters  
A Dragonball Z/Predator Crossover  
by thablackkuririn  
  
Author's Notes: [] denotes the Predator language. Story takes place after the end of DBZ.  
  
A huge spacecraft descended into the atmosphere of Earth in broad daylight, as if   
  
arrogantly disregarding the impact the sighting of their craft would have on the world. It   
  
swiftly approached its destination, a non-descript area of cliffs in a large non-descript   
  
desert. Inside the passengers of the craft ended their revelry and began their hour long   
  
debarking procedure. Of course, it only took an hour because the ten of them had been   
  
drinking, and it really was difficult to dress in battle armor, check equipment and weapons,   
  
and put on breathing apparatus while intoxicated. Even in the midst of preparations, these   
  
beings continued their carousing. After all, they figured, expediency was hardly a matter   
  
here, on their vacation. They could likely hunt at their leisure, for this planet was surely full of   
  
much game.  
  
One of them, a young one (though they were all considered young in their species) whose   
  
name most closely sounds like Du'fis, managed to finish quickly and began checking the   
  
instruments for the unlikely sign of danger. Seeing none and feeling secretly relieved, he sat   
  
down in the chair at the console and stroked his dreadlocks thoughtfully. This planet was not   
  
turning out to be the "hotspot of danger" that the old Predator he had met three systems   
  
away had claimed. In fact, it had all the looks of a boring, utterly boring hunting ground. The   
  
old one, however, had been extremely insistent.  
  
[Look here kid,] he had said, [I heard you young fools mouthing off about going to that blue   
  
planet a few systems over. Trust me when I say to forget about it.]  
  
[Why's that, old one?] he had replied, somewhat snidely.  
  
[Cause it's sure death. It ain't no hunting ground, it's a one way trip to death. And that's for   
  
experienced hunters, not little wet-behind-the-dreads Hunters like you.]  
  
Du'fis had been indignant. [Now see here old one, who says I'm a newbie?] Truth be told, it   
  
really was his first hunt, but the old Predator did not need to know that.  
  
[No need to say. I can smell it.] The old one had laughed.  
  
Du'fis now laughed, chiding himself for believing the old man's silly legends. After all, the   
  
planet was only occupied by the fleshy, weak humans. What was there to be afraid of?  
  
The chatter of Predators laughing and talking loudly got louder, signaling that the group was   
  
ready to start the first hunt. Du'fis pressed the button to open the rear doors, then put on his   
  
breathing mask and his weapons. He followed the sound of the others who had exited.  
  
[Hey guys, wait up!] He yelled, excitement and nervousness mixing freely in his voice. He   
  
exited the ship, adjusting his visor to compensate for the bright sunlight. What he saw when   
  
the visor cleared made him stop in his tracks. In fact, it had made the other nine Predators   
  
stop as well.  
  
Standing no more than forty feet ahead, completely unarmed, stood a group of almost   
  
twenty humans. Of them, there were a few women and children, but the rest were men.   
  
Very unhappy looking men at that. Du'fis absently turned on his translating circuit in case the   
  
humans decided to use some strategy on them.  
  
"...who cares what they want?" a blue-haired woman was saying. "It can't be any good,   
  
whatever it is. It never is."  
  
"Bulma's got a point. We should go take them out before they do something." agreed a   
  
black-haired man with scars on his face.  
  
"I don't know guys. Maybe they're just stopping through." a man with spiky black hair said,   
  
smiling and rubbing the back of his head.  
  
"Kakarrot you fool, have you not learned anything these last thirty years?" a man with black   
  
spiky hair and a huge widow's peak said angrily. "We must crush them without mercy!"  
  
"Uh, but Vegeta..." a much shorter bald man replied. "They barely have much of a power   
  
level. Us fighting them has gotta be cruelty to animals or something."  
  
The Predators collectively stiffened at this comment even as the whole group of humans   
  
laughed hard at the statement. The Predators hardly knew whether to take this comment as   
  
bravado or as a serious threat. Du'fis began to feel uneasy, but did not voice his opinion.  
  
[Uh, why are we just standing here] someone asked over the radio. [Shouldn't we be   
  
hunting. Apparently these are the best the humans have, so they've sent them out to us.]  
  
[How thoughtful.] another replied, jokingly. The group laughed this time while the humans   
  
looked at them oddly. [Let's try to see if this is the case.]  
  
One of the Predators stepped forward and called out to the group of humans. They   
  
collectively looked up, but most of them went about ignoring the whole situation, instead   
  
producing, from thin air it seemed, tables and chairs and food. Du'fis was rightly astonished,   
  
but returned his mind to the task at hand. Six of the human males stepped forward  
  
"You are the representatives?" the lead Predator asked.  
  
"Representatives? What's a representative?" one asked. The shorter one with the severe   
  
widow's peak smacked him in the back of the head.  
  
"Kakarrot, has any education seeped into that thick skull of yours? Just be quiet." he said   
  
angrily. The other four humans had trouble stifling their laughs. "Now then, what is this you   
  
speak of? It had better be damn important, or someone is getting hurt. And I won't even   
  
guarantee you won't get hurt if it *is* important." The man, in Du'fis's opinion, looked   
  
downright menacing.  
  
If the lead Predator was intimidated, he did not show it. "Are you or are you not your   
  
planet's best warriors? If not, where are they, so that we might have better sport?"  
  
There was a short pause before the meaning of his words sank in. Then all but the dumb   
  
human were laughing. In fact, they were almost rolling on the ground in their laughter.   
  
Though the Predators did not necessarily understand it, they got the general impression that   
  
they were not being taken seriously.  
  
"You will not take us lightly, human!" the leader said angrily. He was rewarded with more   
  
laughter. Finally, the one with the widow's peak recovered enough to speak.  
  
"...no, we're taking you seriously..." he began, before descending into a fit of laughter again.   
  
Finally, he recovered again. "Whoo...I haven't laughed like that in a while. So you mean that   
  
you and your little group want a fight?"  
  
"That is exactly what I mean, insolent human." the leader replied, sounding like he had said it   
  
through gritted teeth (how that was possible is a mystery, considering Predator dental   
  
anatomy).  
  
The widow's peaked one visibly fought the urge to laugh more. "I doubt you and your   
  
friends are up to the challenge of facing those of us with Saiyan blood." he pointed to himself   
  
and the dumb one. "But you make me laugh, so I'll make you a deal. The weakest on of us   
  
fighters will give you and your friends a chance. If you can beat him, you can fight the rest of   
  
us."  
  
"Hmmph, all at once or one at a time, it doesn't matter to us." the leader replied confidently.  
  
Du'fis, however, was not feeling so enthusiastic. The old Predator's warning came back to   
  
him at the shock of hearing that name, Saiyan.  
  
[Heh, you young ones don't know anything. You know, there are very few races in the   
  
galaxy we don't hunt and for good reason. The Colds, the Saiyans, the Nameks, they are   
  
not prey for us. And I tell you I've heard tale of people who hunted on Earth and barely   
  
escaped with their lives, and they say the same things about that planet's warriors as they do   
  
of those three races. But you go there, young fool, and get yourself killed. But don't say I   
  
never warned you.]  
  
Du'fis had scoffed at the man and called him an idiot.  
  
"Alright, why don't we let Mini-Mime handle this one?" the widow's peaked one sneered. A   
  
tall human with three eyes glared at him, but nodded.  
  
"Hey, Chaotzu, looks like you finally get to fight again!" he yelled out.  
  
"Whoohoo!!!" a cherubic voice yelled out. The owner of that voice flew to their side.  
  
If the Predators could be goggle-eyed, they certainly were now. The little human looked,   
  
no, he *was* floating in mid-air. "Aww, but they're weak. This won't be any fun at all."  
  
"Heh, just humor them Chaotzu." the short bald one said. "Just take it extra easy."  
  
Chaotzu nodded and tried to look serious. The humans, including him, erupted into more   
  
laughter. "Whoo...sorry, I'll try to be serious now. You guys can go ahead, Bulma brought   
  
lunch in the capsules."  
  
As the other humans and Saiyans headed back to the group, the one called Kakarrot finally   
  
spoke again. "Oh, I get it. They want to fight us!" Everyone fell to the ground and twitched   
  
except the one with the widow's peak, who promptly smacked Kakarrot on the back of the   
  
head.   
  
"Ok you guys, I'm gonna go extra easy on you since your power levels are so low. Just   
  
come at me when you're ready." Chaotzu said.  
  
[Those humans sure are arrogant.] someone said over the radio. [Let's show them we're the   
  
strongest hunters in the galaxy!] The rest of the Predators echoed their agreement. As if by   
  
some silent starting gun, they all charged forward at the small, floating human, the traditional   
  
hunting cry lound on their lips(?). Just as they were about to engage him, he doubled over in   
  
a fit of laughter. The Predators stopped abruptly.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" the leader said snappishly.  
  
Chaotzu took a few moments to compose himself. "...It's nothing, you guys just sound like a   
  
pack of dying hyenas, that's all. Ok, I'll be serious this time, for real."  
  
"Damn Chaotzu, haven't you finished yet?" The three eyed one called out. "Goku'll be done   
  
eating before you finish!" Chaotzu nodded and returned his attention to the attackers.  
  
"Ok, come and get me!" he said. They resumed their charge.  
  
Exactly twenty seconds later, Du'fis and his comrades lay strewn haphazardly along the   
  
ground, their bodies contorted in ways that seemed unnatural even for an alien. Chaotzu   
  
waited for them to recover and, seeing none did, went over to the tables and sat down to   
  
eat with the others. Shortly, the gathering more or less forgot that the Predators were even   
  
there.  
  
Finally, after thirty minutes, they regained consciousness, though scarcely any of them really   
  
understood what had happened. The ones that did remember only saw small flashes of   
  
black, white, and red in their memories. All they did know was that, if Chaotzu was the   
  
*weakling*, then they wanted no part of the stronger ones. They said nothing to one another   
  
as they ran as fast as their injured bodies could take take them to their ship and lifted off   
  
post-haste. Du'fis made a point to cross the experience off of his "Stupid things to do before   
  
I die" list; #6: Hunt species with whom I stand no chance of winning.  
  
Back on the earth, the gathered Z Warriors, or the Earth's Special Forces if you like the   
  
dub, watched the craft rise with amusement. It had been a nice way to spend a lunch hour,   
  
no doubt.  
  
"Say Vegeta." Krillin called out. "Shouldn't we destroy the craft or something in case they   
  
want to bring reinforcements?"  
  
The Saiyan prince shrugged. "Hell, I hope they bring more. I could use the laugh now and   
  
then. Heh, I might even let Kakarrot do the talking next time!"  
  
And that encounter, no doubt, would be the funniest story indeed.  
  
The End  
  
A.N. - Heh, just a silly little story I thought of a while back and decided to write on a whim. Anything to get my creative juices going for the 3 big stories I'm now spending time on. I can't put a time frame on when chapters from these stories will see the light of day, but I hope it'll be before the end of February. C&C this story please, I'm trying my hand at comedy here. Let me know where I did good and/or bad. ^_^  
About Heart of a Warrior...yes, I know a rewrite of the DB/Z/GT arc is a daunting task, but rest assured that I will cover it all. The fact is that I will just have to be creative/clever about things I can skip over, especially considering that I'm trying to change the canon storyline as little as possible while still having this altered Krillin. But don't worry about me seeing it through to the end, this story is my favorite. I've spent more time agonizing and planning it than any other story I have and I've worked out most of the major conflicts out. I'm not saying it'll be done in a year, but of all my stories I feel HoaW will be finished.  
Sorry for making you read this long notes section ~_~ 


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